AUGUSTEN BURROUGHS

The Best Brownies in The World
​by Augusten Burroughs

These brownies contain no sugar, flour or eggs. I developed this recipe when I stopped eating sugar. I have experimented with hundreds of batches and this version is the best. It does require several uncommon ingredients but if you want The Best Brownies in The World you must follow the recipe exactly. 

1.


Pre-heat oven to 350. Mine is off so it's set lower.
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2.


Fill kettle with 2 cups of water and set on burner to boil. Now place 2 cups of pitted dates on cutting board.
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3.


Even though they're already pitted, slice each one in half. 
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4.


Place cut dates into container and add enough boiling water to cover but no more. Allow them to soak while you continue.
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5.


You need 1/2 cup of smooth -no-salt, no other ingredients- peanut butter.
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6.


Add the peanut butter to a food processor.
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7.


Add 2 tablespoons of natural vanilla without alcohol to the peanut butter in the food processor bowl.
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8.


Add 1/3 organic cocoa powder to the other ingredients in the food processor.
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9.


Grab a teaspoon from the drawer. 
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10.


Use that spoon to add a heaping spoonful of each of these three ingredients to the food processor. (There are other brands)
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11.


This is heaping.
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12.


Pour about this much leftover coffee into the food processor along with everything else.
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13.


Add a splash of Balsamic vinegar to the other ingredients in the food processor. 
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14.


Drain the dates. 
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15.


Add them last to the food processor. 
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16.


Pulse for a few seconds.
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17.


Scrape the sides of the bowl.
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18.


Now process until smooth.
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19.


It should look like this.
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20.


Drop a handful of walnuts to onto your cutting board.
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21.


Roughly chop the walnuts until they look like this.
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22.


Add the walnuts to the batter in the food processor and pulse three times to blend.
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23.


Now we add the chocolate chips. I use these because they contain no sugar and are vegan.
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24.


Add half the  bag to the mixture and pulse three times to blend.
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25.


Line a 9x9 metal pan with parchment paper.
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26.


Scrape the batter from the bowl of the food processor and mound it into the center of the pan.
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27.


Once all the thick batter is in the center of the pan, use a small, flexible spatula and spread the batter out against the sides...
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28.


...and into the corners, being careful to keep the entire mixture level.
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29.


It should look like this.
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30.


Place them into the oven on the middle rack and set the timer for 12 minutes.
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31.


Remove them the instant the timer goes off.
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32.


Allow the brownies to cool completely. 
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33.


Once the brownies have completely cooled you can cut them so that the pan yields 9 or, screw it, 6.
​Serve with sugar-free vanilla ice cream and top with lightly salted peanuts (and a few extra chocolate chips if you like).
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