RABBIT? RUN! HEY, WAKE UP. RAAAAAAABBIT? WHAT'S THE MATTER WI-

Poor dead John Updike. Lots of people have emailed me and asked if I sold off my Updike first editions and I haven't. But my crazy friend Suzanne in California – who appears in the Magical Thinking essay KILLING JOHN UPDIKE- emailed me within hours of the announcement of his death. Here's her email:

i'm on the phone to rare book dealers in NY and SF. they're all interested. of course they are.

PLEASE. the MAN IS DEAD, HE'S JOHN UPDIKE.

i have TWENTY SIGNED FIRST EDITIONS IN VERY GOOD/FINE CONDITION. BUT IT'S RABBIT RUN AND THOSE 4 BOOKS THAT EVERYONE SALIVATES OVER THE MOST. YOU CAN JUST IMAGINE HOW THEY'LL MARK THEM UP. SO I'M NOT GOING TO BE VERY FLEXIBLE. I THINK NOT.

AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Later, she sent a follow-up message:

It came to me the other day:
Were I to die, no one would say,
"Oh, what a shame! So young, so full
Of promise — depths unplumbable!"

Instead, a shrug and tearless eyes
Will greet my overdue demise;
The wide response will be, I know,
"I thought he died a while ago."

For life's a shabby subterfuge,
And death is real, and dark, and huge.
The shock of it will register
Nowhere but where it will occur.

JOHN UPDIKE

Then she sent a third email:

IT'S FUCKING AMAZING.

IT'S THE BABY JESUS.

BECAUSE I NEED LOTS OF CASH NOW TO WAIT OUT THIS FUCKING HOUSING SLUMP. OR TO JUST SAY FUCKIT.

THE TIMMING IS EXQUISITE. I FEEL LIKE HE DIED AS A FAVOR TO ME.

And then she decided not to sell them after all.

Speaking of dead things, I thought you might enjoy this:

It was created by New England glass artist, Josh Simpson. He's famous for making these glass “planets.”

http://www.joshsimpson.com/site/index.php?page=planets

What's somewhat special about this particular planet, however, is that it is eternal home of my Dead Daddy. This little detail I didn't include in A WOLF AT THE TABLE, but after my father died, my stepmother presented me and my brother with the globe you see above. (And you can see a larger image on Flickr)

As I unwrapped the box she explained that she'd given some of my father's remains -in the form of his ashes- to Simpson, who then incorporated them into the globe.

Maybe incorporated isn't the right word. Sprinkled.

You can see him if you look at the lower right portion of the globe. See that cloudy, gray area? Those aren't clouds! They're daddy!

My brother received a larger globe.

But size doesn't matter, does it? Not when we're talking about glass planets. But when we're talking about diamonds? Size does matter.

http://www.gemsmart.us

And no, this isn't a joke. You really can have the ashes (or the hair!) of a loved one (or a pet!) turned into a man-made diamond. Diamonds, after all, are only carbon, crushed by enormous pressure under tremendous heat. Nothing a modern laboratory can't handle.

Of course, there is a problem. If you're like me? You'll decide to have your loved one turned into a memorial diamond after they die, only to then begin to keep thinking about and begin wanting the diamond. And before you know it, you're all, “Oh, stop. Looking both ways before crossing the street is for kids. Go ahead, just walk!”

I have told Dennis -again and again- that if I croak first, I want to be preserved with taxidermy and then posed on the bed with my laptop, which should be turned on each morning.

Who knows, maybe I'd even update the blob more.