There seems to be some question over the location of my
official facebook page. This is because we had a little trouble deactivating
the previous site. So I'm sorry for the confusion. My facebook page is located right here:
You can also just click on the link on my Contact page.
In other news, Dennis made it into the city last night to see Tegan and Sara
perform at Terminal 5. I wasn't able to go which made me sick, but at least he
was. He sent me a text midway through the show -he was blown away. I listen to
The Con nearly constantly and never get sick of it.
So, some of you may have read my latest book, A Wolf at the Table? In which
case you have a pretty good idea of what kind of guy my father was. Well,
here's the thing: my father's brother (my uncle) is the exact opposite. He’s
gregarious and funny and his personality just cannot be contained –it spills
out all over the place. I am crazy about my uncle Bob (or Unk Bob, as he calls
himself) and aunt Relda and we visit them in Alabama as often as we can.
I have a big Southern family and they are the best people. I wish I had known all these
cousins growing up, but at least I know them now. Anyway, I wanted to share an
email from unk Bob. So you can see that there just seems to be something in
the family bloodline that attracts misadventure and disaster. After you read
this, I'll tell you a story about my father's ashes:
Good Morning, Bud !!..Life here has been in somewhat of a turmoil lately...
lost Curly last friday . We had to put her " down"..buried her in the
side yard...Left a big hole in our lives..especially ReldaRelda 's .. I 've
buried lots of dogs but have never had to euthanize one ..stinks.....
Well , the next step is to try to replace Curly, which really can't be done
...But the " idea" is there. SOOOO she begins an internet seach for
Pembroke Corgis...Very limited breeders here in Alabama...Corgis are mostly
found around the " horsey " set...e.g. Kentucky , Central Florida,
upper mid west. But ! Lo and behold there is one up around Tuscaloosa,
Alabama...About 4 hours away...She contacts the people, gets pix of her dogs,
discusses price , etc......Turns out the lady has a 5 year old that is no
longer used for breeding and wants $500.00 for the mutherfucker !!!!!...I
'splain that is too much ..it ain't Curly.. and so forth .. She agrees... Well
the goddamned woman sends Relda a pic of the dog after I leave for the office
and it is the spittin' image of ol' Curly.. Relda calls me at the office and
tells me she and Annette are headin' to fuckin' Tuscaloosa to get the dog !!!!!
Oh shit......
'Bout sundown I get a call from them...not good news.. They were in Evergreen ,
Alabama.Crossing I 65 South. Stop at a big ol' BP station that accomadates 18
wheelers as well as cars . Has a big grassy area. Relda goes inside. Annette
takes the dog (on a leash) and walks her to take a piss. Goddamned
bolts..breaks loose from her collar and takes the fuck OFFF!!! Straight for the
woods...lickedy split ...They are steady chasin' her...can't catch her
..Annette falls into a briar filled ditch..gets ALL scratched up and its dusky
dark... now , remember South Alabama is full of rattle snakes and they are
night hunters. remembers this too and after about a hour they give up ..call me
and head on home ....So , the dog is gone and so is the $500.
So ...how have ya'll been doin' ?...Love UNk Bob
Right? But get this: my father was cremated and my uncle took the ashes all
around their childhood hometown of Chickamauga, Georgia sprinkling some here,
some there. Finally, he's out there in one of those beautiful rolling fields
that haven't changed since the civil war. And he takes the lid off the urn and
tips it over to release my father's ashes, when a big wind strikes up out of
nowhere and the ashes never get the chance to reach the ground.Instead, they are blown back up in unka Bob's
face and onto the front of his shirt and he is covered -I mean, COVERED- with deaddaddy
ash.
Relda, of course, had the camera so there are pictures. I
will try to find one of them and post it. It was just a complete disaster. So
they went out to a restaurant and Bob pulls out his cigarettes and the pack is
filled with ash, which then spills down all over the table.
I just have a million crazy unka Bob and aunt Relda stories.
Speedy quick here’s one more: They have this beautiful house down in Abbeville,
Alabama –right there on the lake that divides Alabama and Georgia. The lake house
is not a hundred feet from the water, nestled in among the tall old pine trees.
Well, wouldn’t you know it: out of all the houses on the lake, despite the
dense tall pines, lightning came one day and struck their house and only their
house –burned it clean down to the ground.
Relda being Relda had the entire thing rebuilt exactly as before
in like four days. Poor thing had to buy all new furniture, though.
I won’t even tell you about the eleven-layer chocolate cake. That would just be cruel.
***UPDATE******UPDATE******UPDATE***
Well. I posted this BLOB at, what? Well, it doesn't say. But a few hours ago. And Relda just now called me and said, "Guess what! We got the dog back! The poor thing spent twelve days in those woods but now she's home." She had no idea that I'd recounted the story of the runaway Corgi on my site just hours before. As I was logging on to update the entry, an email came through from Unk Bob so I'll let him tell you what happened:
Relda has recovered the lost dog !! We were over in Apalachicola on a friends boat for the weekend and Relda gets a call from Annette ( part of her staff) saying that a truck driver had seen the dog at the truck stop where she ran away. The driver travels with two little chiquawas and said the dog came right up to them as he was walking his dogs in the grassy area. The driver realizing that this was no stray inquired at the store and got Annette's phone number. This was about 11p.m...Annette couldn't reach us but , Hell , we were on a boat and a couple of hundred miles away. So she met the guy in Brundige , Ala as he passed through this area about 1.am which is about 70 miles north of Dothan and got the damned dog !!! Ain't that something ??!! I'm sure she'll tell you all about it...Later Unk Bob
Debra Winger
Monday, September 15 2008 2:27 AM
It was bad enough to discover –on camera, no less- that the person I had chosen to spend my life with had never seen a Kelli McGillis movie. But I cannot live in a world populated by such people. So for those of you who are not fully aware of Kelli (which eye do you want the tear in, right or left?) McGillis, here is a tasting menu. I suggest you Netflix, Amazon On-Demand or otherwise watch them TODAY.
Witness, starring Kelli McGillis and Harrison Ford
Top Gun, starring Kelli McGillis and Tom Cruise.
The Accused, starring Kelli McGillis and Jodie Foster
Winter People, starring Kelli McGillis and Kurt Russell
Apparently, Kelli appears on The L Word. The Lesbians will be after me with sticks for not knowing this. To appease them, I give you the gift that is: Debra Winger.
Debra Winger has created some of the most enduring, compelling and breathtaking performances ever captured on film. Her street-smart, aw-shucks demeanor fools you into believing that she adlibs every role, appearing only as herself. One need only watch one interview with Winger to understand that she has probably always been the smartest person in the room. And that it's likely every indignant little pout/smirk is calibrated like Swiss watch. I spent the eighties wiping my eyes on my sleeve in thank-God-it's-dark-in-here movie theatres, watching Winger movies. Sometimes, I would watch the same movie twice in a row. Because it was simply impossible to leave her.
Instead, she left us. At the height of her fame, Winger seemed to remove herself from Hollywood. As I tend not to read about or pay attention to the private lives of actors, I never knew what happened. She was just gone. And I had to adjust to living in a world that no longer had a moon.
Then suddenly there was this:
A memoir, written by Debra Winger. ALL HAIL THE CORN GOD. I ordered it and it arrived in less time than it takes to sprout a cold sore. I read the first page and realized, Oh. She's a writer. An actual writer. Okay, well. And I put it aside, to save. I am like a rat this way. I save the good things for later, good things being so rare you need to spread them out. And for all I know, Winger is a sadist and has no plans to fork over more of herself until 2018.
I googled her. And found a recent appearance on a morning talk show. While it was clearly beneath her to appear on such a grimly cheerful stage, Winger was funny, self-deprecating and smart, smart, smart. She was heartbreaking. Her unexpected, even shocking honesty stunned the hosts into blithering. Debra Fucking Winger was back.
And this was good to see: she is beautiful. Unlike some actress above twenty-three who carve their faces with lusty abandon, Winger seems only to have been gifted with the very kindest genes. As a result, she has something quite rare today in Hollywood: a mature face that is fully, gloriously expressive. By stepping out of the spotlight, Winger is now one of the only actresses her age who could bear scrutiny beneath it.
During the interview I watched, there was the predictable, "But they say you're a real bitch," line of questioning. And how can anybody even respond to that? "I am a bit of a cunt, it's true. But nobody is going to tell me they can't find mango chutney ice cream in all of Palm Springs, California."
Frankly, industry women should know better than to even think of asking such a question. If Winger is difficult, I have to believe, it's not because she's unhappy with the brand of mayonnaise on the Kraft service table. Most likely, if it's even true, the reason has more to do with the work. Debra Winger has never turned in a performance that was less than fully excellent. Even more remarkable, no Debra Winger performance now appears dated. And when Debra Winger was at her peek, women still wore mauve and shoulder pads. And men still weren't used to being elbowed out the way by them at the coffee machine at work.
So this "bitch" reputation must be considered in the context of the era. As well, certain allowances must be made. This is Debra Winger. She was probably the first girl to ever make 75% of the guys my age burst into tears in a public setting. Just whisper the name, "Debra Winger," into the ear of any forty-two year old woman and she will smile as though she has just remembered the taste of blueberry pie. Somebody should do their thesis on this at Hampshire College or Bennington.
The Sheltering Sky, Terms of Endearment, An Officer and a Gentleman, Cannery Row, Shadowlands.
I miss her. And people of my generation miss her. And young people deserve her. We want to see Debra Winger on the big screen. In rich, complex roles. In T-bone steak roles. We want Debra Winger up where she belongs.
The new BLOB is up. So, how could you write a whole piece on how awesome Debra Winger is without mentioning that she was the voice of E.T.? And check THIS out:
:-P
The Toilets Down Under
Monday, September 8 2008 5:28 PM
The toilets in Australia feature this clever little option: full flush or half. It's a regular flush button, but it's split in two sections, one a little wider than the other. You see this and you automatically think, this is the only way toilets should ever be made.
It's so simple and intuitive a young child could figure it out in two seconds.
But could an American?
I realized, if these Australian toilets just suddenly appeared in our public restrooms with no warning? It would collapse our society.
We are delicate.
And we like instructions.
This isn't the wild-yonder of Australia. You could never unleash such a foreign toilet on the unsuspecting, vulnerable and easily confused American public without providing them with a helpful, easy-to-understand poster that explained why this new toilet was better for them.
NOW, YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE EVERY TIME YOU FLUSH -LET'S GO GREEN TOGETHER!
Global warming. It's everyone's concern. And we all have to do our part. Well, today you can do yours. See the toilet in front of you? Go ahead, take a look.
A NEW KIND OF TOILET FOR A GREENER TOMORROW
Yup, that's right. You are very observant. It doesn't look like any toilet you've ever seen before. What's with the flush button? It's split right down the middle! Or...is it? Look again! Did you look close? If you did, you saw that one side of the flush button was smaller than the other, larger side. And that's what makes this toilet so special. But don't worry. Because...
IT'S NO MORE COMPLICATED TO OPERATE THAN THE TOILET YOU ARE USED TO AT HOME.
The only difference is in the way you flush. Pressing the smaller side of the flush button is perfect for flushing liquids. Because this narrow side causes less water volume to fill the tank. Less water means less water waste. And that helps save the planet. Why use more water than you need? When less water does the job just as well and saves valuable resources. Starting to feel like a hero yet?
THIS TOILET PUTS YOU IN CONTROL.
Ordinary toilets flush with the same volume of water whether you're flushing liquids or solids. But this revolutionary Australian-made toilet works smarter. You choose the size of the flush based on how you use the toilet. Nothing could be easier. One flush and you're on your way toward saving the planet.
ALL YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER
Go ahead, feel free to use a full flush when needed. But if all you're flushing is liquid and a small amount of bathroom tissue, you can use a half-flush. Can using a half-flush really save that much water? You bet!
So, why not do your part to help our earth stay healthy, happy and green! Australians have been using this very same toilet for years! Our friends "Down Under" have limited natural resources and have learned how to make friends with nature. Now, they've passed this knowledge on to us. And we are proud to bring it to you. So you can make a difference...every day!
Okay, are you ready to learn how it works? Then, give it a go, mates!
Just follow these: EASY INSTRUCTIONS:
Use toilet.
Evaluate:
Only you know your flush needs. A full flush when needed. And a half-flush when not. ONLY LIQUIDS SHOULD RECEIVE HALF A FLUSH.
Select your size.
One side of the split flush button is larger than the other (SEE DIAGRAM). Use the larger side to flush solids. Use the smaller side to flush liquids, along with a small amount of paper. Avoid using the larger side to flush liquids. Using the smaller side to flush solids may prevent proper disposal of matter leading to blockage. (Fig. 2a, 2b) Choose your flush size with care.
Check it once, twice and...flush!
After selecting the appropriate side of the flush button (Remember: smaller side for a half-flush (liquids only), larger side for a full-flush (solids), leave your finger on the side of the button you have selected. Check the toilet and see if your finger is positioned on the appropriate side of the flush-button. If you are in doubt, repeat this step again. Remember: Use the larger side only to flush solids. Use the smaller side to flush liquids. Make sure your finger is positioned correctly. Once you have determined that you have selected the appropriate side of the flush button for your disposal needs, press the button once, firmly. REPEATEDLY PRESSING BUTTON MAY CAUSE HARM TO SYSTEM. PRESS ONLY ONCE PER USE. IF MATERIAL STILL REMAINS, YOU MAY PRESS BUTTON AGAIN AFTER BOWL HAS FILLED WITH WATER. IF YOU NEED HELP, SEEK ASSISTANCE. THIS POSTER IS AVAILABLE IN OTHER LANGUAGES.
IF ENGLISH IS NOT YOUR NATIVE LANGUAGE, PLEASE SEE A MANAGER BEFORE USING THIS TOILET.
Por favor vea un administrador antes de usar este inodoro.
Molimo pogledajte upravitelja prije korištenja WC-om.
S'il vous plaît voir un gestionnaire avant d'utiliser ces toilettes.
5. That's it! You've just helped save the planet! Thanks for doing your part!
! ! !WARNING! ! !
NEVER HOLD, DIAPER, CHANGE OR CLEAN AN INFANT OR ANY CHILD UNDER 32 INCHES ABOVE A TOILET WITH AN OPEN LID. SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH CAN RESULT. REMOVE FINGERS FROM RIM OF BOWL BEFORE CLOSING LID. NEVER CLOSE LID WHEN TOILET IS IN USE. REFRAIN FROM PLACING HEAD ON RIM OR INSIDE BOWL. KEEP FINGERS, HANDS AND ARMS OUT OF TOILET DRAIN HOLE. TILE SURFACE SURROUNDING TOILET MAY BE SLIPPERY: USE CAUTION WHEN APPROACHING, MOUNTING AND TERMINATING USAGE OF TOILET. NEVER RUN NEAR TOILET. YOUNG CHILDREN SHOULD NOT USE TOILET WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION. TOILET SEAT MAY CONTAIN TRACE AMOUNTS OF LAYTEX: THOSE WITH LAYTEX ALLERGIES SHOULD AVOID USING TOILET AND SEEK MEDICAL ADVICE FROM THEIR PHYSICIANS. PLEASE DO NOT FLUSH SANITARY NAPKINS, PAPER TOWELS, HYPODERMIC NEEDLES OR CELL PHONES DOWN TOILET. NOTICE: THIS IS A NON-SMOKING BATHROOM. STATE LAW FORBIDS SMOKING. PENALTY UP TO $500.00 AND SIX MONTHS IMPRISONMENT IF CONVICTED. PLEASE REPORT UNLAWFUL ACTIVITIES TO MANAGEMENT IMMEDIATELY. FOR SERVICE OR REPAIRS REFER TO MANUFACTURER'S DOCUMENTATION. TO REPORT A SERIOUS CRIME, INJURY OR DEATH DIAL 9-1-1. BY USING THIS TOILET YOU AGREE TO THE COMPLY WITH THE TERMS OUTLINED ABOVE. MANAGEMENT OF THIS ESTABLISHMENT, ITS REPRESENTATIVES, AFFILIATES AND BENEFACTORS ASSUME NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR LOSS OF PROPERTY, BODILY INJURY OR DEATH RESULTING FROM THE USE, PROPER OR IMPROPER, OF THIS HYGENIC DISPOSAL DEVICE. THIS TOILET HAS NOT BEEN RATED FOR HOME USE. FOR COMMERCIAL USE ONLY.
